Children’s emotional pain isn’t always obvious. Sometimes it sounds like “I’m fine,” even in kids too young to explain what they feel.
Dr. Byron McClure, Director of Innovation at 7 Mindsets, offers clear guidance on how to stay present, ask direct questions, and recognize when a child may need more support. He breaks down what parents often miss and how to act before distress turns into crisis.
Table of Contents
How to spot signs of mental distress in your children before they begin to escalate.
BHM: How can parents stay present when a child insists, they’re fine?
Dr. McClure: Stay close without pushing. You might say, “I hear you saying you’re fine. I’ll be right here if you want to talk.” That steady presence, even without words, can speak louder than questions. It shows your child they’re not alone, even if they’re not ready to open up.
BHM: What does emotional pain look like when it’s masked by silence or composure?
Dr. McClure: It can look like you are doing everything right on the outside while shutting down on the inside. Some children learn to hide their distress to avoid judgment or protect themselves. Watch for subtle shifts such as less eye contact, irritability, pulling back from friends, or a kind of calm that feels rehearsed. These changes often mean it’s time to check in and connect them with support.
BHM: How can parents tell when stress becomes something deeper?
Dr. McClure: Stress comes and goes. Deeper pain sticks around and starts to disrupt daily life. If you notice significant changes in sleep, appetite, mood, or interest, or hear talk about hopelessness, don’t wait. These are warning signs. Act quickly and get help in place.
Advice on having conversations about suicidal thoughts, saying they’re fine when they’re not and finding support systems
BHM: How can parents ask about suicidal thoughts with care?
Dr. McClure: Be clear and speak with care. You might say, “Sometimes kids feel overwhelmed and think about not wanting to be here. Has that ever happened to you?” Asking directly doesn’t plant the idea. It opens the door for honesty and shows your child you’re strong enough to hear the truth and ready to help.
BHM: If a child insists they’re fine, how can parents keep the door open without pushing them away?
Dr. McClure: Respect what they say, but keep space open. You can respond with, “Okay, I’ll respect that. Just know you don’t have to go through this alone. I’m here when you’re ready.” That balance of space and support builds trust and lets your child know you’re not going anywhere.
BHM: What support systems outside of therapy can parents lean on?
Dr. McClure: Look for trusted anchors, mentors, coaches, faith leaders, extended family, and community groups. These adults can offer another safe place for your child to turn. Parents don’t have to carry everything alone. Building a circle of care makes a real difference.
How distress shows up in younger kids versus teens, and how we can support our youth better in the future.
BHM: How do signs of distress differ between younger kids and teens?
Dr. McClure: Younger children often show distress through behavior, like acting out, regressing, or clinging. Teens may withdraw, isolate, or take risks. Younger kids need reassurance and stability. Teens need space and respect for their independence, along with consistent check-ins and presence from their parents.
BHM: What gives you hope in supporting Black youth mental health?
Dr. McClure: I see more families and schools talking about mental health early, not waiting for a crisis. That gives me hope. Parents should hold onto the truth that early help works. Building mental health through strength, routines, and safe connections matters just as much as preventing illness.
BHM: What would you change about how we care for Black children’s mental health?
Dr. McClure: I would rewrite systems that focus on deficits first. Care should begin with strengths and proactive support, not just reactions when problems show up. Every parent should know their child is not a problem to be fixed. They are a whole person with gifts, and early support helps those gifts shine.
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