Breastfeeding is often described as natural, but that doesn’t mean it’s easy. For many new Black mothers, fear of pain is a significant reason they hesitate to breastfeed. And that fear is valid. Pain is the number one reason women stop breastfeeding in the first few weeks after birth. But pain doesn’t have to be part of your story.
This guide covers what’s normal, what’s not, and what to do when things feel off, physically or emotionally.
Table of Contents
Why Does Breastfeeding Feel So Hard at First?
Because it is, you’re learning a new skill while recovering from birth, navigating sleep deprivation, and adjusting to a new identity. Breastfeeding is a supply-and-demand system, and in those early weeks, your baby’s frequent nursing helps build your milk supply. But it’s also a dance, one that takes time, patience, and support to learn.
Why Does My Baby Nurse So Often?
Newborns have tiny stomachs, about the size of a cherry on day one, growing to a walnut by week one. Breast milk digests quickly, so babies get hungry fast. Frequent nursing is normal and necessary. Watch for early hunger cues like lip smacking, rooting, or hand-sucking. Crying is a late sign. If you can catch hunger earlier, feedings tend to go more smoothly.
What Should Breastfeeding Feel Like?
A good latch shouldn’t hurt. It might feel unfamiliar at first, like a gentle pull or stretch, but it shouldn’t make you wince. If you’re feeling sharp pain, pinching, or burning, something’s off. And you don’t have to push through it. Painful nursing is uncomfortable, but it can also lead to cracked skin, low milk transfer, and frustration for both you and your baby. Most latch issues are fixable with minor tweaks, and getting help early can make a huge difference.
Talk to a lactation consultant, nurse, or peer counselor. You deserve to feel supported, not punished, for trying to feed your baby.
What Is Engorgement and Why Does It Hurt?
Around day three to five postpartum, your milk “comes in,” and your breasts may feel full, firm, or even rock-hard. That’s engorgement, your body’s way of prepping for demand. But if you wait too long between feedings, inflammation builds, making it harder for your baby to latch. It can feel swollen, tight, or tender, and for some women, even painful.
Frequent nursing helps prevent it, and cold compresses can offer relief. Even if you’re not sure your breasts are full, it’s okay to nurse. Your baby’s cues matter more than the clock.
What to Do When Nursing Feels Hard
If your baby is struggling to latch or your breasts feel too firm, there are ways to make feeding more comfortable. Between sessions, a cool washcloth or gel pack can help reduce swelling. If the area around your nipple feels tight, try gently pressing with your fingertips for about a minute. This softens the tissue and makes it easier for your baby to latch.
You can also ask your provider if ibuprofen is safe for you; it’s often recommended to reduce inflammation. And if you notice fever, chills, or one breast that feels hot, red, or painful, call your doctor. These could be signs of mastitis, a breast infection that needs medical care.
What About Cracked, Sore, or Bleeding Nipples?
It’s common in the first few days, especially if the latch isn’t deep enough. If your nipples are damaged, take your baby off the breast and try again. Use expressed breast milk or purified lanolin to soothe the skin. Keep breastfeeding. Healing happens faster with continued nursing and latch correction.
What If I Have Large, Flat, or Inverted Nipples?
These variations are normal and don’t mean you can’t breastfeed. A lactation consultant can help with positioning and latch techniques. Nipple shields may help temporarily, but they’re not a long-term fix. With support, most women find a rhythm that works.
Will My Breasts Leak?
Maybe. Maybe not. Some leak during pregnancy, others only when feeding or thinking about their baby. Nursing pads can help; change them often to avoid irritation.
Do I Need to Prep My Nipples Before Birth?
No. Your body already has oil glands that keep the skin soft and guide your baby by scent. Skip the soaps, lotions, and perfumes. Plain water is enough.
The Emotional Side of Breastfeeding Pain
Pain isn’t just physical. It’s emotional too. And now, we finally have language for some of the more complex feelings that can show up during breastfeeding.
Dysphoric Milk Ejection Reflex (D-MER)
D-MER is a sudden wave of sadness, anxiety, or even rage that happens just before or during milk letdown. It’s hormonal, not psychological, and usually lasts anywhere from 30 seconds to 10 minutes.
According to a study published in Archives of Women’s Mental Health, about 15.5% of breastfeeding women report symptoms of Dysphoric Milk Ejection Reflex (D-MER). Many describe it as a sudden drop in mood that feels intense but brief, often mistaken for postpartum depression, though it’s a distinct experience.
Breastfeeding Aversion Response (BAR)
Breastfeeding Aversion Response (BAR) shows up as a wave of discomfort, irritation, or even a strong urge to unlatch while nursing. It’s not about disliking your baby or failing at breastfeeding; it’s a physiological reaction that can feel overwhelming and hard to name.
BAR is more common during tandem feeding, nursing through pregnancy, or breastfeeding older babies. A study published in the Journal of Midwifery & Women’s Health found that more than half of women experiencing BAR ended feedings early, and nearly half received no support from their provider. Emotional discomfort during nursing isn’t a mood disorder, but it still deserves recognition, care, and compassion, especially for Black mothers who are often dismissed in clinical spaces.
Mental Health Matters
Breastfeeding can be healing, but it can also be emotionally heavy. A systematic review in the Journal of Women’s Health found that while nursing may reduce anxiety for some, it can increase stress and depressive symptoms for others, especially when pain, pressure, or isolation are involved.
When Black mothers speak about breastfeeding pain, they’re often met with disbelief or blame. The emotional toll includes shame, isolation, and the unraveling of self. It’s rarely named, let alone addressed. But it’s real. And it deserves care that centers the mother’s wellbeing, not just the mechanics of feeding.
Here’s the truth. Feeding your baby isn’t a test. You’re not a bad mom if breastfeeding is hard. You’re not failing if you need help or take a different path. You’re doing what works. That’s love and care.
What If I Choose Not to Breastfeed?
Even if you don’t breastfeed, your body will still produce milk. You may experience fullness or engorgement. Pain management, cold compresses, and gradual weaning techniques can help. Talk to your provider about safe ways to suppress lactation if needed.
When Is Pain Not Normal?
If pain lasts more than a few days, gets worse, or comes with fever, chills, or red streaks on the breast, call your provider. You may have mastitis or a blocked duct. If nursing feels emotionally unbearable, reach out. There’s no shame in asking for help.
A Quick Recap
We get it. You’re busy, tired, maybe overwhelmed. Whether you’re the one nursing or the one helping, here’s a quick recap of what actually helps, so you don’t have to dig for answers when you need relief now.
If It Hurts, Pause and Reassess
Pain during breastfeeding is common, but it’s not something you have to push through. According to the CDC’s Breastfeeding Report Card, latch pain is one of the top reasons women stop breastfeeding early. If it feels sharp, pinching, or burning, unlatch and try again. A good latch should feel like a tug, not a sting.
Don’t Wait for Your Breasts to Feel Full
Engorgement can happen fast, especially in the first week. Your breasts may feel swollen, tight, or hot. That pressure can make it harder for your baby to latch. The U.S. Breastfeeding Committee recommends feeding on demand and using cold compresses between sessions to reduce inflammation. You don’t need to wait for fullness, follow your baby’s cues.
Cracked Nipples Aren’t a Badge of Honor
If your nipples are cracked or bleeding, it’s usually a sign of a shallow latch, not something you need to “tough out.” Expressed breast milk has natural healing properties, and purified lanolin can help soothe the skin. Skip soaps and scented lotions; your body already produces oils that protect and guide your baby.
Your Emotions Matter Just as Much as Your Milk
If you feel dread, sadness, or irritability during letdown, it could be Dysphoric Milk Ejection Reflex (D-MER). If nursing feels emotionally unbearable, pause and get support. You’re not failing, you’re responding to your body. And that’s something to honor.
Support That Meets You Where You Are
Call the National Breastfeeding Hotline at 800-994-9662 on weekdays between 9 a.m. and 6 p.m. ET to speak with trained peer counselors through the Office on Women’s Health. You’ll reach people who understand latch pain, emotional overwhelm, and everything in between. Support is free and judgment-free as well.
Also, check out the U.S. Breastfeeding Committee’s resource hub for toolkits, webinars, and updates on breastfeeding protections.
Asking questions about breastfeeding pain doesn’t make you weak; it makes you aware. And that awareness? It’s part of your story, just like it’s part of so many others. From here, you get to decide what comes next. Whether you nurse, pump, wean, or opt for formula, your effort to understand your body and your options is enough. More than enough
Resources:
Breastfeeding Aversion Response (BAR): A Descriptive Study
Breastfeeding Report Card | Breastfeeding Data | CDC
