There is a certain kind of silence that shows up during the holidays. It slips in between the music, the gatherings, the group texts about who is bringing what. It is the silence that reminds you that someone is not here this year. And even if you have been moving through your days just fine, the season has a way of pressing on that bruise.
People don’t always talk about it, but grief has its own calendar. It doesn’t care that the world is covered in lights or that everyone else seems to be in a matching pajama mood. It arrives when it wants to, sometimes softly, sometimes like a wave that knocks the wind out of you.
And if you are feeling that this year, you are far from alone.
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How Grief Colors the Holidays
The holidays intensify emotional stress, especially for people who are grieving. In a 2023 national survey by the American Psychological Association, 38 percent of U.S. adults said that missing family or loved ones is one of the biggest sources of holiday stress. That number sits right alongside financial pressure and family conflict, which shows how deeply loss shapes the season. The number reflects how rituals, traditions, and family gatherings are built around connection. When someone is missing, the whole season feels rearranged.
For many people, the weight can feel even heavier when they are not only grieving someone they have already lost but also preparing for the loss of someone they still have. Anticipatory grief can be its own kind of heartbreak. You find yourself trying to memorize the sound of their voice, the way they laugh, the small details of who they are in this moment. You hold on tightly to the present, knowing that soon these moments will become memories. Living in that in-between space can make the holidays feel tender in a way that is hard to explain, and even harder to carry.
How Grief Sneaks Up on You
Grief does not always arrive in the same way. Sometimes it drifts in slowly, something you can almost steady yourself against. Other times it rushes in all at once, sharp and overwhelming, leaving you confused by how quickly everything inside you can change.
You may find yourself exhausted for reasons you can’t name, avoiding certain songs or certain stores without fully realizing why. A scent, a recipe, or a familiar melody can stop you mid-step. A memory you didn’t ask for can rise up out of nowhere. It’s the quiet kind of grief that settles into your days and your body before you even have the language for it.
None of this means you’re failing or falling apart. It means your heart is carrying something it never wanted, and if we’re being honest, something no one can ever truly prepare for.
You Don’t Have to Pretend You’re Okay
Grief can make you feel out of rhythm with the world, especially during the holidays. In the American Psychiatric Association’s 2024 Healthy Minds Monthly Poll, 47% of Americans said that grieving a loss or missing a loved one was one of their top sources of holiday stress, and 28% said they felt more stressed than the previous year.
So, if everyone else seems to be celebrating while you’re just trying to get through the day without breaking down in the middle of the grocery store, you’re not imagining it; the season really does hit differently when you’re grieving.
Ways to Care for Yourself This Season
There is no single right way to move through grief during the holidays, but there are practices that can make the season feel a little more manageable. Here are a few options you can reach out to when you need support.
Let yourself feel what you feel.
Grief is unpredictable. You may feel heavy one moment and surprisingly okay the next. Both experiences are normal. Permitting yourself to feel what is true for you can ease some of the pressure you may be carrying.
Name what is coming up for you.
Writing down the emotions you expect to feel or those already showing up can make the season feel less overwhelming. Naming things often makes them easier to hold.
Allow the grief to move.
Trying to push grief away usually makes it stronger. Letting it rise and fall in its own rhythm can reduce the intensity of the pain.
Practice self-compassion
If you have the energy to join a gathering, go. If you do not, it is okay to stay home. You are not letting anyone down by honoring your limits.
Take care of your body.
Grief affects sleep, appetite, energy, and concentration. Rest when you need to. Move when it helps. Step outside for light and air. Small acts of care matter more than you think.
Ask for support
The holidays add extra weight to everyone’s plate. If you need help with errands, childcare, cooking, or simply company, reach out to someone you trust. You do not have to carry everything alone.
Tell people what you need.
If certain traditions feel too painful, say so. If you want someone to mention your loved one’s name, say that too. Clarity helps others show up for you in the right way.
Create a small ritual of remembrance.
Light a candle, pour libations, make their favorite dish, play a song they loved, or share a story; rituals do not have to be elaborate to be meaningful.
Start new traditions (if you need to).
If recreating past holidays feels impossible, allow yourself to do things differently this year. Change can be a form of care.
Be around people who feel safe.
You do not have to be cheerful or “on.” You need to be with people who let you be exactly where you are in this moment.
For those who are facing the anticipated loss of a loved one, the holidays can carry a different kind of weight. Try to stay close to what feels meaningful right now instead of worrying about how you think you should feel. Spend time with your loved one in ways that feel natural, take breaks when emotions run high, and let others help with the practical things. It’s okay to feel sadness, fear, gratitude, and love all at once. You don’t have to hold everything together. You only have to move through this season at a pace your heart can manage.
A Few Things to Keep in Mind
Grief shows up differently for everyone, but these are some of the experiences many people share:
- changes in sleep or appetite
- difficulty concentrating or feeling mentally foggy
- waves of sadness, anger, guilt, or numbness
- fatigue or low energy
- withdrawal from social activities
- irritability or restlessness
- physical tension, headaches, or stomach discomfort
- trouble feeling connected to things that once brought joy
If you notice these signs in yourself, you’re not doing anything wrong. They’re common responses to loss, and they often shift over time.
You might also find it helpful to talk with a mental health professional if the grief feels overwhelming or complicated to navigate alone. Therapy can offer a steady place to process what you’re carrying and get support that fits your needs.
There is no magical cure for grief. It finds its way into your core, often defying your requests for peace. While that may feel unsettling, remember that grief is natural, your feelings are valid, and your path through this season is uniquely yours. You are allowed to move at your own pace. That in itself is an act of strength.
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Even a joyous holiday season can cause stress for most Americans
